i woke up with pink slips on my mind (no surprise, it's nearly march 1. within 15 days, i will get mine and no doubt, experience an awkward moment with my principal, poor guy...what a job to have to do!). we went to church and it was all about overcoming financial fears and trusting God to take care of our needs. what truth to hear this morning in the midst of fears!
i hate to be so scared of next year. part of me just longs so much to be carefree and to just let go of these fears. i want to, like eric, be able to just let go and trust god. it's so hard for me. it's beautiful to think back and remember all of the times he has been trustworthy and faithful. i remember cari, the youth pastor when i was in high school, would always take about god's faithfulness. to me, it seemed so foreign because it seemed like he had always been there and wasn't going to leave. i am envious of my younger self's childlike faith and trust. i don't know what changed...nothing specific that i remember, but now i understand, recognize, and revel in the beauty of god's faithfulness.
anyway, eric had to help teach an emt class this afternoon. as soon as he walked out the door, i grabbed a book i have been re-reading (Fire by Night by Lynn Austin) and enjoyed it. as soon as i finished it, i felt like i needed some blonde brownies so i ate some and started dwelling on my impending pink slip and unemployment. ugh. BUT there is nothing a bath with a book cannot cure, so i grabbed a book and dove in. three books later, i am fully relaxed and at peace. it's beautiful to be able to pause and slow down and just trust that God will take care of us. it's so needed, especially this month.
the sun shone today and i watched the cherry blossoms fall softly to the ground right outside our house. god spoke to me through three different books that were written as allegories to express god's love. (thanks, denise hunter.) truth revealed itself clearly, as it always does. a beautiful day.